Dad.. Love.. Life.. Dreams..

When all you have is nothing in this world. All you could ever do is, nothing

I used to be that happy girl, to live with no worries, hang out with my friends, laugh, joke around. 

Now i cant seem to find myself. Im Lost. To me the only person who truly knows me is, myself.  I may look happy to you, but do you see the grieves inside? All you see is my smile, my laughter, doing/saying stupid jokes,baking cakes looking happy. But do you see the grieve inside? Do you see my heartache dad? Do you ever ask your one and only daughter, "do you have any problems?'' . I do. I have ALOT to think of. I admit i cause alot of problems, im not the perfect daughter you've ever wanted. But To me, you are the best dad in this world. 

You Asked me something today, i just kept silent and looked at you blankly. You see your only grieve, you share with me your sadness sometimes, though im keeping quiet, im listening, i try to understand.. But, think again, have u ever hear me saying " bah, im sad/moody/angry today" . Since i didnt reply you, you just walked out saying you felt like you are talking to someone stupid. Yes Dad, I am stupid. The Reason why i never replied to someone question is just that, Its not that i cant be bothered anymore, but im sick of this life. Totally sick of it. 

I know I bought my stupid laptop signing the "internet thingy" and now i dont have a job to pay it. Debts. Im sorry babah. i didnt mean to be mean or harsh towards you. i love you. 

 Im a teenager. Im turning 19 in two weeks time. Im Not happy. I am not a happy 19 year old girl., you see me slacking around waking up late at home being lazy.. All you see is the bad things i did. All the goods? Humans. I know you are going to be mad , me saying all this out in my blog. But who do i have? This is my diary, I released all my feelings here. Because no one bothers to listen. Im just plain pathetic, being at home. And if you think i share EVERYTHING with Wan, you are wrong, im sick of keeping my sad heart alone. I want to speak up, but no one would listen. 

Its all my fault, i dropout from school, now look what happen to me.. useless. im full of nothing. Sometimes i told myself, I have no one, i have no one but u dad. But i thought wrong, in this world, im alone. 

Im staying here for shelter. I know one day, im going to leave this house, im one of your miseries.

I Love You Dad.

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Love, I need you now. ='( 

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Life has been unfair? No. I chose this life and i have to make it right. Im Lost. I need someone to guide me. Help me.

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It seems that dreams that i always dream of doesn't seem to come true. Its just my fantasy. But i wont give up on it. i'm gonna look forward on it. 

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Quote Of The Day: Having tears as your lullaby is not that soothing

Note: I wish i was born full of wealth. Why? Why do You made me walk this life ? 

With a crying heart

Anna Alanna Tatianna